When I was pregnant I went through a really tough time. My mom told me to write down everything I was feeling throughout my journey and that was one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received. I had a blank journal that my dad bought me when I went off to college and I had never used it, so one day when I was about three months pregnant, I grabbed a pen and just wrote away. I ended up writing three pages and while I did...I cried but I got all my emotions out. After that, I journaled once a week or a month and I said everything I needed to say about whatever was going on while I was pregnant.
Journaling was/is my peace, my out, my getaway, and one of the ways I connect with Alora. I have so many journals and I used them for different reasons, but my pregnancy journal is my absolute favorite. My pregnancy journal has now turned into my motherhood journal. I write about everything going on in our lives and I mean EVERYTHING. Any big argument I've had with her dad that may have affected her or our situation...I write about it. Any major move we've made since I was pregnant...I write about it. Any of the PPD feelings I had....I write about it. I write as if I’m talking to her because when she gets older I never want her to feel how I felt when I got pregnant. I never felt more alone, upset, and sad and those are feelings I don't think anyone will ever get and that's okay but I do not EVER want my child to feel that way. When she’s old enough she’ll be able to read it and I hope she appreciates it and I hope she understands that anything she's going through, I will get it...even if it's hard to explain.
Pregnancy is hard, being a mom is hard and doing life is HARD! You get hit with curveballs all the time and you will be sad and down and that’s okay too. Being a mom everyone expects us to have it together and the truth is we go through so many changes within those 9 months and even after that there’s no way we come out of it altogether. I know I didn’t and if you did I appalled you!
There have been times where I've been so disconnected from Alora's dad and I just write to let him know how I feel. He may not get it, but he reads everything and I have to say and it has helped so much not for him but for me. If you are struggling or you need a way to express yourself....grab a pen and paper and write it down. It doesn’t have to make sense, but at least you’re getting it out. If writing isn’t your thing, find something that brings you peace and do that. Journaling has and is my saving grace and I’m grateful for that!