For the past two weeks, it has been emotionally draining to be on social media. I found myself becoming more and more anxious the more I got on, but I didn't get off because I wanted to stay in the know. I would lay in bed for an hour or two after Alora went to sleep and just stare at her and become nervous. How am I supposed to explain to her that her privilege of being black was more of a curse than a blessing? When she turns six or seven I will have to have a talk about what to do if you're alone in the car and you get pulled over and even before that I will have to explain to her that not everyone sees her beautiful brown skin as pretty, but they view it as a threat.
When you become pregnant you should be overcome with joy, you’re creating human life for crying out loud! It's one of the best feelings in the world, but that joy quickly fades when you're an African American mother. After having Alora I didn't really think about how it would be to raise her in the climate the country is in. In 2018 we had unlawful deaths and no convictions, but the Black Lives Matter Movement was really just getting started. Flash forward to now and the world is even more in shambles than I could imagine. Now every time I turn on a tv or get on my phone I see another death and I sometimes cry because I get overwhelmed. I will really have to explain to Alora, sooner rather than later, about the color of her skin.
Raising a black child in America has never been easy, but with each death brings a bigger burden. I get so sad thinking about how her innocence may be taken away at a young age and there is nothing I as her parent and protector, can do about it. I dread the moment she comes home and asks me why people look at her differently or when she gets older and into her career and she notices she has to work twice as hard for less pay.
Being her mother, it is my job to let her know that it is a PRIVILEGE to be black and she shouldn't think any differently. I will educate her on the” do’s & don'ts” as a black person very early and I will eventually tell her that the world we live in just isn't fair, but power on because we will be ALRIGHT. I just wanted to let my other black mom's know that whatever you're feeling is totally okay and that you’re not alone. There's no manual on "how to raise a black child when the world hates their brown skin”. You are doing amazing, but if you need a place to clear your thoughts or you just want someone to listen to how you feel, head over to our discussion board and let it all out.